2010 Race Schedule - For Real This Time!!!

Hello loyal readers! Hope the holiday season treated you well.

And a special hello to the disloyal assholes that like to send hate mail and leave negative comments. Hope you die in a fire!

Matt and I got together after our inaugural P90X class this morning and hammered out a race plan for 2010. It is a bold and challenging schedule that would impress even the most sinewy of athletes. And if it doesn’t, go to hell and then co-author your own blog with Hitler and Ted Kennedy. Better yet, set up a Twitter account so you can tweet updates to all of your faggot-ass friends.

Anyway, Matt and I met at TBA Headquarters (over Eggs Benedict and a club sandwich, respectively) and narrowed an almost endless list of marathons, triathlons, adventure races, and keggers to come up with our 2010 schedule. We decided on fifteen events which I will detail below.

The whole idea of Team Bad Ass was to train for a large event by competing in smaller ones, and I am confident that our schedule does that. We are going to start the season with primarily run-based events, then transition (no pun intended) into cycling and multisport events as we get further into the summer.

Team Bad Ass is currently waitlisted for the Hustle up the Hancock, a 94-flight stair climb up to the top of the John Hancock Building in Chicago. I don’t know when they will notify us, but I am not too hopeful. I guess we can just keep the hundred bucks and climb the stairs in my building nineteen times.

Our first race will be the Town Crier 10K in Saugatuck, Michigan. Matt and I competed in the Run Thru the Rapids 10K last October and we think the 10K distance will be a great start to our run season. Plus Matt can do some antiquing while we’re there.

A week after the Saugatuck 10K we’re going to up the ante with the Strider’s 10-miler in Grandville, Michigan. Last year we followed up the 10K with a half-marathon. We thought worked well, so we’re going to do it again.

Our first multisport event is the Steelcase Duathlon (run 5k, bike 30k, run 5k). The duathlon format is a new thing for us, but anything that keeps me out of the water is perfectly acceptable.

The Fifth-Third Riverbank Run will represent our longest distance race to date. At 25K (roughly 15.5 miles), we will once again be upping the ante, hoping to get one step closer to marathon distance. Also it’s right here in Grand Rapids, so it should be easy to get to. Plus they’re probably going to close down all the streets anyway, so what else would we be doing.

The Rockford Marathon is the early jewel of our race season. The 26.2 mile race is held in Rockford, Illinois and will probably be the most challenging thing I have will have accomplished thus far in my life. I can’t speak for Matt, he’s still bragging about beating a 6-year-old at “Don’t Break the Ice”. When the ice has broken, and the old man has fallen, the game is done…

TBA’s first triathlon will be the Seahorse Triathlon in Kalamazoo. It is a sprint distance race (500m swim, 20k bike, 5k run) that we picked to get us back into the swing of things. We’re both looking to best our already amazing time records we set in Traverse City last year.

We plan on starting off June with the 100 Grand Century, a 105 mile bike ride in Grand Rapids. We (read, Matt) copped out of the century ride last October and we ended up riding a “metric century” or 62 miles instead. This year we will ride the full hundred even if I have to keep a tazer with me on the bike to “encourage” Matt to keep pedaling.

Our second Tri will be the Bostwick Lake Triathlon in Rockford, Michigan. Like the Seahorse Tri in Kzoo, it is also a sprint distance race. The ranks of Team Bad Ass will likely swell during this race as numerous would-be triathletes have expressed interest in racing with us. So with that in mind there may be many cameo appearances on the team roster that day.

While I’m on the subject, if you would like to join the members of Team Bad Ass for an event, there are costs and requirements. For other guys, do know that you will be buying the post-race liquor and lap-dances. Ladies, you must be “smart” and have flexible morals.

This season, TBA will also be competing an event that actually requires a team! Muddy Buddy is a nationwide series of races where two-man teams alternate between running and mountain-biking through a six-mile obstacle course. The race ends with a long crawl through a mud pit. Muddy Buddy is probably the event that Matt and I are most looking forward to.

Our third triathlon will be the Lighthouse Triathlon in Ludington, Michigan. Also a sprint-distance race, the swim portion of the tri takes place in Lake Michigan which should be pretty cool. Plus there is a lighthouse. Apparently.

The Barefoot Triathlon in Traverse City will be TBA first Olympic distance race (1.5k swim, 26 mile bike, 6.2 mile run). We did the sprint distance last year, so this year we are going to kick it up a notch. The swim takes place in the Traverse Bay and this year we will likely not be able to touch the bottom which likely means that I have to learn how to swim.

We have a second century ride planned for late September. We’ll turn Matt into a cyclist yet! The Apple Cider Century starts in Three Oaks, Michigan and weaves 100 miles through rural roads in southern Michigan and northern Indiana. It’s too bad the route includes Indiana, which is arguably the worst state in the Union. No scratch that, there is no argument. Indiana sucks more balls than Elton John. I’d rather visit Pyongyang.

Run Thru the Rapids, is a 10K race along the Grand River though downtown Grand Rapids. With this race being so close, it would be ridiculous not to do it. We both hope to beat our times from last year, and after a race season as stacked as this one, we had better shave some serious time.

The Grand Rapids Marathon is a week after the Rapids 10K. It was between the Chicago Marathon and this one. We chose Grand Rapids so as to avoid having to drive anywhere. I can’t imagine wanting to drive anywhere after finishing a 26.2 mile run, especially a 3-hour drive that includes a stretch of the State of Indiana, which if you were reading carefully is the worst state in the Union. We ought to sell it to the Indians, maybe get back that case of firewater and chest full of glass beads that we paid for Manhattan. Plus with all the diseases already there, it’s likely impervious to smallpox. Too soon?

The pièce de résistance of our 2010 race season is the Battleship Triathlon in Wilmington, North Carolina. The race is a half-iron distance event (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run). This is the big one, well at least for us.

There will no doubt be minor alterations – Matt gets moody and I am well known for making wild, arbitrary decisions – but for the most part we are both excited about all of the events. There are also a couple of events that have not released dates just yet. Namely the Mitchell Run and the Millennium Triathlon.

Anyway, that’s the plan. All told it should total 3.2 miles of swimming, 556 miles of cycling, and 131 miles of running.

Let us know what you think so that I can mock you unmercifully in my next posting. Those leaving negative comments are required to leave a home address and times that you will be available for a severe ass-beating.


For those that really care or would like to join us, you can find the calendar below:

Sunday, Feb 28 – Hustle up the Hancock
Sunday, April 11 – Town Crier 10K
Saturday, April 17 – Strider’s 10-miler
Sunday, April 25 – Steelcase Duathlon
Saturday, May 8 – Riverbank Run 25K
Sunday, May 16 – Rockford Marathon
Sunday, May 30 – Seahorse Triathlon
Saturday, June 5 – 100 Grand Century
Sunday, July 4 – Bostwick Lake Triathlon
Sunday, August 1 – Muddy Buddy
Sunday, August 22 – Lighthouse Triathlon
Sunday, September 5 – Barefoot Triathlon
Sunday, September 26 – Apple Cider Century
Saturday, October 9 – Run Thru the Rapids
Sunday, October 17 – Grand Rapids Marathon
Saturday, Nov 13 – Battleship Triathlon 70.3